(via telapathetic)


The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (Page 280)

Hazel: Touch the cave wall.
Computer: You touch the cave wall. It is moist.
Isaac: Lick the cave wall.
Computer: I do not understand. Repeat?
Hazel: Hump the moist cave wall.
Computer: You attempt to jump. You hit your head.
Isaac: Not jump. HUMP.
Computer: I don't understand.
Isaac: Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL.
Computer: You attempt to ju-
Hazel: Thrust pelvis against the cave wall.
Computer: I do not-
Isaac: Make sweet love to the cave.
Computer: I do not-
Hazel: FINE. Follow left branch.
Computer: You follow the left branch. The passage narrows.
Hazel: Crawl.
Computer: You crawl for one hundred yards. The passage narrows.
Hazel: Snake crawl.
Computer: You snake crawl for thirty yards. A trickle of water runs down your body. You reach a small mound of rocks blocking your passageway.
Hazel: Can I hump the cave now?
Computer: You cannot jump without standing.
Isaac: I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters.
COmputer: I don't understand-
Isaac: Me neither. Pause.

tensioned:

why does everything close so early on sunday jesus didnt die for this

(via orgasm)



jellys:

people that point out acne:

  1. pack ur bags
  2. buy a plane ticket
  3. go to hell

(via thatonemexicantumblerboy)


joeyjoe69:

when your friends sibling is hot

image

(via bacalao-flavored-penis)


underthenerdhood:

a little girl who grows up thinking all doors are automatic but actually she’s haunted by a really polite ghost

(via mayoryuki-kun)



aresnakesreal:

donatellavevo:

an emotional roller coaster from start to finish

I hate this so much more than anything

(via portugoose)


(via onlylolgifs)